I’ve been thinking about the right words to encapsulate what this last semester of college has meant to me. Here’s my best attempt at processing what’s been the most challenging semester of college for me so far — mentally and spiritually.
I’ve struggled with an anxiety disorder almost my entire life, and it felt as if I was suffocated by it this semester.
Recently, I’ve been praying desperately that the Lord would provide a way out of mental health struggles. Not only that but for freedom from it. I asked Jesus to show me what I needed to do or give up to take steps towards peace (which is Jesus Himself (and a tad bit of therapy) ).
It had been a while since I clearly heard Jesus’ voice until I cried in church last
Sunday. I never cry in church.
Luke 12 was read out loud —
“And he said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you. Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions, and give to the needy. Provide yourselves with moneybags that do not grow old, with a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” (Luke 12:22-34)
Jesus presented the very words I read most when I need a way out of my own head. For years I have repeated these words to myself but somehow seemed to forget about what Jesus had to say about being anxious this semester – until it was read by my own pastor on a microphone for me to hear loud and clear.
I could say so much, but I think my brain would explode.
I walked out of church with so much hope. Hope that the Lord IS who He says He is. Hope that the Lord DOES provide freedom and a light at the end of the tunnel. Hope that the Lord really is with me (and will never forsake me – wow).
Because of His words in Luke 12, I know He has so much for me that I can’t see. I have none of the answers about the future, and I’m learning to be ok with that. It’s not for me to know or try to untangle myself.
I hope these words resonate with somebody (and if they do, please message me). I felt it so heavy on my heart to share my story, but more importantly about my friend Jesus. He has pursued me in ways that are so beautiful – communicating through others, scripture, silence, and SO much conviction. I’m so excited to begin a journey toward healing and mending my relationship with my friend Jesus.
You are not alone in your struggles. He sees you, He loves you, and He wants you to know how much he cares for you.
I will always think of the sparrows and the lilies.
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