a lot can happen in a year

Yesterday, I turned nineteen years old.

To me, I’ve always thought nineteen was such an awkward birthday, almost like 17 or 15. It’s not any sort of milestone, you’re not out of teenage years just yet, you’ve already gone through an eighteenth birthday - it’s overall just super weird.

I woke up this morning grateful. How lucky am I to have even been woken up by My Father this morning? What a blessing it is to be able to wake up and see the light of day yet again! As I prayed this morning, I became super reflective over the people, places, things, and even spiritual gifts that the Lord has blessed me within this life. It brought me so much joy to think about all of the sweet faces and places that mean the world to me. One thing that I found myself doing, however, was thanking the Lord not only for the good moments in my life but the devastating ones as well. The words flowed straight onto my journal, and before I knew it, I was thanking the Lord for every trial and every temptation because He gave me the strength to overcome it. Not only this, but I grew and learned more than I ever thought I would during those times. Hindsight really is 2020.

If you had asked me a year ago what my dreams looked like, or even what my idea of success was, I would have given you a pretty typical answer. Something along the lines of “get the grades, go to college, get a job, make money, get married, have kids, work hard, and be a servant for King Jesus.” While all of those things are amazing by themselves, I do not think I quite realized what being that “Proverbs 31 Woman” meant every time I would pray that in my prayers a year ago. While I was extremely mature in my faith and was growing more than ever at this time, my view of how the Christian life fit in with my earthly success was so skewed. I was always and still sometimes am that person who always thought I was most productive when I was busiest. This lead to an overwhelming amount of responsibilities on my plate, constantly on-the-go. The idea of moving so fast you do not even have time to fit another thought in your head equated to the bettering of myself because I was doing something with my life, being productive.

If 18 year old Lauren on January 23, 2020 got to see 19 year old Lauren on January 23, 2021, she’d probably have a heart attack.

As I talked with My Father this morning, I spoke about how my life is simple now. It is quiet and I prefer it that way over anything now. I have found that in the simplest of moments, the Lord finds the most intricate ways to speak to us, and that is one of this life’s most beautiful gifts that it has to offer. Now, sitting in my college dorm desk chair, thinking about my idea of success as of today, this is what I would tell my past self:

There is no such thing as being “X” amount successful or measuring up to a certain standard if you are a follower and believer in Jesus Christ.

If we were any ounce good enough, worthy enough, successful enough, we would not have needed a God in human flesh to have himself tortured and killed so that we could spend eternity in Heaven with The One that created us. If we measured up to any sort of standard, we would be self sufficient - enough. We will never measure up. We are not good enough. We are not worthy of being remembered once we die.

Don’t worry, I won’t close with that. There is good news!

While, yes, we are messy, imperfect, sinful humans, we share the same Father who goes before us and completes us, because He is everything that we will never be able to be. In the midst of so much brokenness, how beautiful is it that we get to be a part of and experience such a love story? While we turned our backs to Jesus, He said “I love you, my child” and DIED for us (Romans 5:8).

Success is running to the arms of the Father when we realize our constant need for Him. But a form of success is also living this life to the fullest - working hard, setting goals, loving others well, but knowing that our real occupation in this life is solely being a servant and a missionary for the sake of the Gospel. Believe me, this took so long for me to realize. I have big dreams in this life, I really do. Like, of course I want to graduate from Alabama and get a great internship or job after college, of course I want to travel the world, of course I want to get married and have kids. But before I label myself as a student, an employee, a wife, or a mother, I am a beloved daughter of the King whose purpose is to tell people about a God who loves them beyond their comprehension. THAT is my job, first and foremost.

Life has become a lot simpler coming to this realization. I’ve let go of many obligations that weighed me down. I have learned to enjoy the simplest of things, whether it be sitting at my desk watching the sun come up every morning with a cup of coffee in my hand or my sweet mother’s laughter over a late-night FaceTime call. May nineteen be filled with many more of those moments, and may I always be able to stop and recognize them. What a blessing it is to wake up and see this day again. I am so utterly grateful for this life, and I am so excited for eternity in the next!